More than six months on since the horrifying bushfires took their home, fences and shed at Clifton Creek, Khat and Adrian Hammond are still feeling the trauma.

Guilt is one emotion that pervades their lives.

Guilt about not staying to defend their property, despite knowing it would have been futile. Guilt that they have been rented a beautiful house to live in at Hillside while theirs is rebuilt, while others live in tents, and even guilt about “feeling bad for feeling like a victim”.

“I’ve hit a wall in the past fortnight,” Khat said.

“But I think it’s quite typical, I couldn’t work out why I felt so flat but I looked it up and it’s quite common at the six-month mark.

“It’s a milestone after a tough period. “I’ll ride it out.

“My friends and family seem to see it coming before I do, and hover around to make sure we’re good. I will be seeking an appointment with a psychologist this week.”

The couple had lived in their brick home, set on 50 acres, for seven years.

From all reports from the neighbours, staying to save the house would have ended badly.

The house was made of brick but had a large timber deck a metre off the ground.

“They said the fire hit both ends of the house at once and the flames shot seven metres in the air,” Khat said.

Khat says the only reason they didn’t stay and fight was because Adrian had torn his calf muscle while they were loading horses to evacuate them.

“I never had any intentions of staying to fight and will never,” she said.

“I’ll get my horses and dogs out and set up the place to survive but I’m not willing to risk the lives of people and animals.

“But Adrian would, and then I couldn’t not help him.”

Work on the Hammonds’ new house started on May 14 and is now halfway finished. Khat is aiming to be living in it before Christmas but is hoping it’s more like October.

“It sounds ungrateful, but the sooner we can get home the better,” she said.

Khat credits Adrian with the decision to refuse to wait for Grocon to clean up their house site as he predicted it would be a “huge fight and would take months and years”.

Unlike some others, Khat says she can’t say enough about how the East Gippsland Shire helped them.

“I was probably annoying but I rang them almost daily to check on how things are progressing,” she said.

As part of the conditions their house is being built on a slab with 6mm thick glass windows.

Their insurance covered the clean up and the couple decided to go back to work in mid to late January, something Khat does not advise to do.

“It was just silly,” Khat said.

“If I’d known how many phone calls there would be and how much stuff had to be organised and sorted out I wouldn’t have.

“It was detrimental to my mental health. We should have given ourselves a month or two.”

Khat said talking to other bushfire victims was helpful.

“Once I realised I was mentally in trouble I tried to get help, it was a struggle,” she said.

“I wanted to see a counselor but I couldn’t get anyone to call me back.

“I was nowhere near suicidal but I was certainly struggling. Had I been, it would have been an absolute catastrophe.

“That was a big fail.”

Royal Flying Doctor Service bushfire recovery mental health clinician, Campbell Sinclair, has more than 30 years of experience with people who have suffered trauma, and went to help at Buchan after the fires to repair fences and talk to people.

“After a huge fire like this, the community runs on adrenaline for a while,” Campbell said.

“After about four months, people come off the adrenaline and that’s when they struggle to cope.

“There is no shame in going to ask somebody for help on a mental health problem. Put your hand up and ask for help. Don’t be ashamed.”

For Khat, asking for help isn’t the problem, it’s the crash after the event she has so far avoided.

“I will let myself think about it when we’re back home. If I let myself think about it now I may not get things done,” she said.

“If I need to have a wallow I’ll be at home, if I need to drop my bundle, or scatter it everywhere, so be it.”

Contact information: People worried about themselves or others are encouraged to call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Individuals, families and emergency service workers in East Gippsland Shire can also access up to 10 free and confidential counselling sessions without a GP referral, call 1800 001 068.

IMAGE: Khat and Adrian Hammond’s property at Clifton Creek after the bushfire. (PS)